When Mental Illness Makes You Feel All Alone

Rebecca Hilliard

Guest Blogger

The hardest part of having a mental illness, for me, is how lonely it feels—like no one truly understands what I’m going through. My friends and family all seem fine and are functioning so well. They have successful lives. They can hold jobs. They’re getting married, having kids, and are financially stable. Meanwhile, I’m over here feeling like I’m barely holding on.

They seem to be doing so well while I have to fight so hard just to get through each day. I live with a brain that makes me feel miserable, even when I work so hard to recover. And when I try to talk to my family and friends about it, they don’t really understand. They try—I know some of them genuinely want to support me—but how do I explain that I’m filled with anxiety and panic every single day? That I’m tortured with thoughts of darkness and death even though nothing bad is happening to me externally?

How do I explain that I’m full of agony every day even when everything seems fine? They might try to understand my words, but they don’t understand my experience. And how could they, if they’ve never been through it themselves? Of course, I don’t want them to experience it. I don’t want them to know what it’s like to suffer like this. So a lot of times, I stay silent.

This is the hardest part of mental illness for me—feeling like no one truly understands what I’m going through. I feel like I could manage my symptoms so much better if I had someone who truly understood. Someone I could text on the hard days or call without feeling embarrassed. But mental illness carries so much stigma. Society thinks we’re being dramatic or making it up for attention, and so often it’s not recognized as a real illness. Because again, if someone hasn’t experienced it themselves, it’s hard for them to understand how detrimental it is.

The second hardest part of having a mental illness, for me, is not being able to hold a full-time job or be financially stable. I know my symptoms would ease if I didn’t have to stress about paying rent, affording food, or worrying whether I’ll have to move back in with my parents.

It’s a cycle you can feel trapped in. You need money to afford a safe place to live, therapy, treatment, and food so you can manage your mental illness better—but having a job while living with a mental illness can be incredibly difficult. You can’t do those things, which makes your mental illness worse, which makes holding a job even harder. It can feel like you’ll never get your feet under you or have a stable life.

I’m sharing these things because I want you to know that if you struggle with them too, you’re not the only one. If you feel alone and like you have no one who understands, I know what that feels like. If you can’t hold a job, are financially unstable, and feel your mental illness getting worse, I know what that’s like.

I can’t take away your struggles, but I can let you know that someone out here understands what you’re going through—even if no one in your life does. I know what it’s like to feel tortured every single day and to wonder if it’s worth it to keep living. I know what it’s like to never feel joy or happiness and to question the point of existing like this.

You’re not the only one who feels this way. I’m sorry things are so hard for you and that you feel so miserable. I wish life wasn’t like this and that things were better for you. Please know that someone out here cares about you. Even if I don’t know you personally, I understand your struggle.

I hope you keep holding on because things can get better. I’m going to keep holding on. I’m going to keep going. And I hope you do too. Even if things are miserable right now, they might be a lot better in the future. Mental illness is an illness, and you can heal and recover from illnesses. It’s not too late for you.

If you want to connect on Instagram, my account is @inthistogethernow_. I’m sending you love.

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