Dr. Jessica LoPresti, Ph.D.
Co-founder & Chief Medical Officer
As people of color we receive, and internalize, the pervasive messages that success comes from prioritizing everything except our own wellness. The reality is that we cannot possibly live a life that we value without wellness.
It is BIPOC mental health month and my message to you is: Prioritize yourself!
I have been thinking about this phrase all year long. As a clinical psychologist, mother, wife, daughter, and friend I spend a ton of time prioritizing everything except myself. It’s a selfish endeavor in some respects because the rewards for caring about the people in my life and doing the work that I value are immense. Unfortunately, I found myself burning out earlier this year. It's hard to describe the feeling, but it was like the gas light was on and I just kept driving. I was not nearly my best self in any of my personal or professional roles. The stress of knowing I was not showing up for my family was particularly overwhelming. So, I’m in the process of making some changes, and I thought I’d share a bit about my approach with the acknowledgment that it’s a work in progress.
Boundaries:
The first thing I realized is that the boundaries protecting my time were incredibly soft. I was emailing, texting, calling, scrolling and generally connected at all times. This meant that I was rarely in the present moment with the people who are most important to me. We must set boundaries and unplug. Put your phone on silent. Close your laptop at the end of the work day. Remove your work email from your phone. Stop the scrolling! Find a person who can hold you accountable to the boundaries that you set. When you start the process of disconnecting you’ll realize how much time you have for the things that are most important to you. Protect your peace!
Accept how people show up:
The greatest mistake we make in our relationships is to expect people to show up in ways that are outside of their capabilities. We expend so much energy wishing people to be different, better, kinder, more respectful. My favorite quote by Maya Angelou says, “when someone shows you who they are, believe them.” Allow people to be who they are and accept how they show up (or don’t). We have to be brave enough to make choices about who we want in our lives based on how they show up! Choose yourself, your wellness, and protect your self-worth. You are valuable. Don’t allow people in your space who devalue you.
Nourish your body and soul:
Instead of self-care I’ve begun to use the phrase “self-nourishment” which I describe as deep and sustainable enrichment for our bodies and souls. Focus on how you’re fueling your body with food and hydration. Take stock of your energy levels, sleep, and overall mood. Many of the fluctuations we see in each of these domains relate to the things we are putting into our bodies. Try eating home cooked meals more often than dining out. If you drink alcohol regularly, take some time off to see how your body responds. Move your body on a daily basis. Spend time with people who lift you up and feed your soul. Prioritize your wellness in meaningful ways and attend to the rewards that follow.
You are valuable, precious, and deserving of care. You are your #1 priority. Act accordingly!
And, as always, the entire WhiteFlag community is here for you.
-Dr. Jess
_________
Connect with someone who understands on WhiteFlag: a free, anonymous, peer support network. Now!
Your feedback matters! Share what you think.
Commentaires