Rebecca Hilliard
Guest Blogger
Depression carries a lot of stigma. What do people think when they hear that word? They often picture individuals who stay in bed all day, don’t shower or take care of themselves, and are constantly tired and crying. But what they don’t realize is that some of us are really good at hiding our depression. Some of us go to work, talk to people, and pretend we’re fine while we’re dying inside. It’s the act of hiding it that makes it feel so much worse. The fear of being judged or losing our job or friends if they knew what it was really like in our minds.
If I had to sum up depression in one word, it would be ‘hopelessness.’ It’s this heavy blanket that weighs us down, making us feel like there is no hope in the world, like things will never get better, and causing us to question the point of continuing in this dark, heavy existence. Depression sucks the light out of life, and even though we can laugh and smile with people, it’s often just to make them feel more comfortable. To make them think we’re okay. Because we don’t want anyone else to feel the way we do. We don’t even want to bring them into our inner world for fear that they’ll start feeling the way we do. So we smile and pretend that everything is fine.
Some of us have tried reaching out for help, only to receive unhelpful, sometimes even harmful, responses: “Everything in your life is okay, why are you depressed?” “You have nothing to be sad about.” “Smile more, and you’ll be fine.” “You don’t seem depressed.” I could go on and on about the cliché responses to depression. What we really need to hear is: “How can I support you?” “What do you need?” “Do you want me to come over?” “What you’re going through sounds really difficult.” We need people who will sit with us in the darkness, who aren’t afraid of how we’re feeling, who will give us the space and time to talk about what we’re experiencing. But those types of people are so hard to find. Many of us have no one in our lives who can do this for us. Many of us have no safe person to talk to. This leads us to turn inward even more, away from others, away from seeking support, making us feel like no one on the planet understands how we feel. And when no one in our life understands it, of course, it feels this way. When we’ve reached out for support and have been let down, of course, we feel this way. It’s so hard to put words to depression and what we’re experiencing, and it doesn’t always logically make sense to those who don’t have it. I wish we could “just be happy,” “think of the positives,” or “be more grateful,” but it doesn’t work like that.
If you have depression, I want you to know that you’re not the only one and that there are others who understand how you feel. Maybe no one in your life does, but there are people around the world suffering just like you are. I want to help you find support. The WhiteFlag App is a great place to find support because there are other people on the app who also have depression, and you can talk with them about how you’re feeling—they will understand. They are there if you just want to talk about how you’re feeling. There are also communities on social media that can support you. Search hashtags like #depressionrecovery or #depressionsupport. Those will lead you to supportive accounts. Just the fact that you’re reading this blog is evidence that you’re not alone. I understand how depression feels, and WhiteFlag created this space and their app to support people like you. I hope you keep holding on. I hope you don’t give up because there is light, and there is hope, even if you can’t see it. Recovery is possible, even if it doesn’t feel like it. I’m holding onto hope for you. Things can get better.
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